Midget Question.

How the fuck does a midget make a bed?

I'm guessing a rake is used in someway or another.

Hitler's Greatest Hits: Vol. 2

Just in time for the after holiday's bore and suck fest of january, febuary and march is 

Hitler's Greatest Hits: Vol. 2.

(Now on Cassette!) 

Yes, that's right, Vol. 2 in this 6 and a half volume series is now available.

This volume focus's on Hitler's love of the Beatle's entire catalogue.  

Songs included are....

Hey Das Jew

(sung by Adolf Hitler)

Hey das Jew, 

Get in the oven.

With ethnic cleansing...we'll make the world better.

Remember to breathe in all of the gas,

so that your heart can stop faster.

(na     na   na   nana  na   na   nana  na na ....)

jew-jew-jew-jewy-jew-jew-jewy-jew-jew...hey das Jew!

And who could forget the classics...

Hitler In the Sky With Rockets.

and...

We All Live in a Nazi Submarine 

or what about...

Can't Buy Me Love, cause your a cheap Jew.

So at this depressing time of the year, 

before you stick your head in an oven,

at least first go out and pick up

Hitler's Greatest Hits: Vol. 2

Beatle songs in the key of Hitler.

(Available @ Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Target)

Heath Ledger Awards

Ok, first off I loved Heath Ledger as an actor.

Everything from Knight's Tale to Brokeback.

I thought he was amazing in Batman, 

making the movie way better than it actually was.

What the point of this blog is, is that I don't 

think he or anybody should win awards after they die.

I'm ok with them being nominated, just not winning.

Here's why...

A) a win can no longer help your career.

B) It won't get you laid unless a necrophiliac digs you up

and I don't think necrophiliacs have high standards anyway. 

C) It's purely sympathy not respect, it honors your death, not your life.

I feel so bad for all the other great actors that are nominated.

They could actually use an award win for what it's worth. 

But instead of being honored, they have to "act" like 

they are happy for the deceased winner.

And you know inside they are like, 

"He couldn't have fucking overdosed next year?"

Finally, if I haven't convinced you yet, imagine this for a second...

What if you went to school for years, trained, paid your dues

and finally you get the job of your dreams.

After more years of hard work, your boss gives you the perfect project, 

the chance to really prove yourself.

You succeed with great praise and make your company tons of money.

A big promotion is announced, you think your a shoe in.

Then you lose it to a dead guy.

Now how do you feel?

Handicap Parking Spaces

Why is there any need to have handicap parking spaces at a gym?

Am I the only one that feels that way?

Listen, if you can't walk or you drive your car with your feet

i agree you should get a good parking space.

But if your able to do ANYTHING at a gym,

you should have to fight for a parking space with the rest of us jerks.

One day I arrived at the parking lot the same time an older woman

pulled into the handicap space.

I thought great, let me see how handicap she really is.

I stalked her out in the gym...guess where I found her?

On the treadmill, galloping like a gazelle.

I can run comfortably somewhere between 6.5 and 7.5, 

depending on the day.

This "handicap" woman wasn't breaking a sweat at a 6.2.

Either she's an overachiever with a great parking space

or

I might be handicap also.